fuck this.
gotta get this out, cuz otherwise it's all just rotting me from the inside out.
grab this fucked up situation by the neck and look it dead in the eyes, noémi. paranoia? nah, not just paranoia. more than that. you know u sense things. brushed aside or not, the sensations are not unfounded. stop chalkin it up to paranoid delusions. what's not there is not there. done and done. u knew very well you'd fall flat on your fucking face with this one - right from the beginning - when you threw your bid in there for [pseudo] love. you told him you'd rather fall on your face trying, then not try at all. you told yourself that you will, infact fall. fall hard. and that you did. now here you are with shit allover your face and soggy with confusion's piss. nice. tell me something: is this just a matter of communication breakdown? is it him being delusional and guarded? what the fucking fuck is it? went from daily communication to full on ice-out. why? how? logic theories: fucked if I know. paranoia says you've been replaced, old bag. you were nothing more than silly putty anyways. fillin in til something better flowed through. damn fucking damn.
so
then
logic's voice yells to me: FUCK HIM.
no, not the fun way.
the way he's fucking you.
again, no, not the fun way.
if he can just toss you aside like that
treat you like a nuisance, like distraction, like a fucking parasite
well, then, dumbass... com on... u know what the natural reciprocity for that is
FUCK HIM
but
damn it all
he
is
.....
not supposed to be like the rest
none of it adds up
it makes zero sense.
not even a headnod.
before he would feel it when he left things icey
he'd call back and apologize
that's why you fell in love stupid
because you felt him feeling you.
and that's all you ever hoped for
to find someone who speaks your language
who shares your vibe
he was slon
is slon
but this
this don't make any sense
as if his soul has been drained from him
completely.

back away noemi
you're already damaged as it is.
don't do this to yourself
u know who you are
u know how you feel
you know no one is listening
so just float
away
you can't force someone to listen

"my love what did I do
to make u fall so far from me
and now
i can't recall
cuz of the fall
selective memory
then u
u built a wall
a 20 ft wall
so i couldn't see
but if
i get off my knees
i might recall
i'm FUCKING 20 FEET TALL!"

Badu - x