I'm tired.
of thinking.
even more so of trying not to think.
now I miss thinking...

it all just seems to be one big circular walk.
fade in fade out.
it hurts.
but the pain reminds me that i'm here
...for a reason?
can't claim that
can't claim anything.
just what i feel, i suppose.
pain really just gives me a reason to fight a bit harder.
that's how it tells me that i'm here.
i suppose.

i will not bring my son under.
i vow.
it's my responsibility. not his. for me to grow the fuck up and get my shit together.
i'm almost there. i could be up for that mom award.
just have to stop being such a kuntbag.
he's a good kid.
he's better than good.
but he can easily turn into an asshole.
i used to be much more artfully literate at one time.
or so i;d like to believe.
sleep.
dumbass.