this feels forced.
staring at the bright white screen. tiptappetytyping.
squiggly red lines appearing under my words to arrogantly point out that i am imperfect by normal standards and that we must not permit ourselves the liberty to be creative with our verbal concoctions. *granola bar byte* chewing...
it's all just so fucking digital
so fabricated.
everything is punched in. recorded. thrown into the netosphere for public acceptance and validation of existence.
what was it like before?
i heard swishes that distracted me
that sorta sounds poetic.
but no, really. it's not. i actually heard swishes. ichat or some stupid social netifying app trying to suck me into other frequencies.
i hate it.
i hate that my existence has become digital. and real life daunts me.
real life. as if there is such a thing.
sleep wake eat jet jetback eat work stretch shower jet eat smoke numbify self. fuck you squiggly red line of ego bashing!
circle. lots and lots of loops in a spiral. perfect equal spiral. too fucking perfect. mundane. trapping.
i'm getting very... defeated man... just damn defeated. i'm done with this shit. done giving. done trying. done giving a shit.
done believing.
but that means death.
when you do that - give up.
you walk as a zombie.
i'm not sure if i'm ready to become a zombi yet.
but i'm actually becoming a monster. a fucked up angry tired dull monster. spitting and fuming at the world.
pathetic. ugly.
this is not who i want to be. i feel myself folding more and more into myself. tiny inverted intricate origami noemi.
until i become hard as rock from all the compressed layers of self.
and i don't remember how to feel anymore.
i don't remember how to vibrate anymore.
just lull.
zombie.
not quite fully zombie yet.
but getting there.
can someone please uplift me?
can someone believe in me?
is there anyone left out there who would give a shit?
i sure as hell don't.
and that's succumbing
is there a noun for that?
succumbation?
squiggly red line tells me that just preposterous!
googling preposterous threw a brick wall in my flow.
flush.
