ZOMBIES

I don't know what's happening to me... or maybe I know all too well. who the fuck knows? all I know is that I feel unsettled as fuck. nothing feels right. squirmish, unwilling to deal, unable.. then feeling guilty because I'm again all to aware that I am, indeed, quite damn fucking able. but I'm a suck, a coward, latching on to this newly developing societal norm of embracing our tender little selves and our proprietary needs. weakness is bred into the culminating generations. they are passive and self-righteous. "I deserve to be good to myself. I shall if i want buy expensive luxuries to satisfy my hollow soul which has been cultivated by the so called system to buy buy buy and plug in... plug deeeply in... and coast. take it easy. stay fit and strong so you can be a good little worker robot. and then we promise you you will be living la vida loca. the good life. the projected state of achievement, most importantly economically and al la status... cool as fuck in all your material achievements and glories. you craft beer, your beautiful house or perfectly self-deluded state of contentment with being exactly like what your robocontract states to be as the highlights of your ascendence. wow, i'm good at diverting myself from myself... that was a load of bullshit. downward spiral. how can I be so aware yet so stupidly rebelliously resistant and aversive?? we am I feeding it? why am I resigning to it? is it you, Misu, who seeped his toxic self pity into my veins that night over steak and frites and most likely another overpriced gourmet labelled bad batch of mussels>? Angelus novus... just stunned and paralyzed by its own wreckage. yet unable (unwilling?) to take its gaze off of its own multiple fuckups. Held strong through it all, but now cannot bare to juxtapose him/herself over current times, as they are inconceivably and frightfully ... just so fucking far gone from true self-strengthening. THERE'S NOTHING WORHT GLORIFYING ABOUT BEING A FUCKING SLACKER AND A PANSY ASSED TITSUCKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS DELUDED FUCKING ZOMBIE. *b n i watched jim jaramusch's The Dead Don't Die today. connect the dots//