something is wrong.

I'm trying to hold onto the reigns as tight as I can, but it all just seems to be slipping away from me a little more frequently than usual. when is the downfall going to stop? when will i just crash land and just start picking up the pieces? everytime I think this is it - this is where I can start to rebuild from: something goes wrong. A visual of noemi's brain: decompostion. fragments falling off like brittle candy that's been slammed up against a wall. repeatedly. and the only thing that smooths it out is the rain lately. or a good shower. water. one day I will be completely dissolved in it.

i doubt this is a pledge for sympathy. sure, pathetic. sure, self-reflected pathos... just need to get it out. and perhaps leave a trace of existance here in this intangible realm that has somehow been made tangible by what I believe to be the result of a collective mind-force. A collective willing of thoughts and actions to be manifested into pixels - purely a form of kinetic energy. believe it or not. it will go into my manifesto. what manifesto? the one that keeps promising me it will write itself. perhaps it will be my son to write it one day. afterall, a manifesto is not very legit without somekind of outside validation.

take some time to rest, noemi. that's all you need. let it all go and don't worry about other humans. just focus on your son, because he is the betterment of you. block the noise out. the hum of humans buzzing around. don't be so distractable. don't be so aware. just move. flow. like water.

i'm not giving up. fuck you.