i have so much to say to think about but not speak about cuz no one cares to listen anyway - not even I. there's no weight to it. i am the bad guy. is that it? must be something other than that... I try so hard not to be the bad guy. I can't say anything, because who am i to try to play marbles with fate? It's not my place. let fate fall as it may. i suppose. though, I am more inclined to believe that everything is totally random. no, scratch that. not random. there's a definite patterned way of things. cyclical. so, more like full of surprises. unpredictable in all its predictability. but then this kicking it in the ass shit starts seeping in form behind my eyes. its not pretty. suddenly i want to AFFECT things. actively. or, cowardly put: passively. I don't want to cause sadness or pain or anger. but I will. i wish it was cleaner than it is. because I..... i am tether to you, always, in all reaches, slon. that's all i got. self-indulgent cryptic shit.