sometimes I think maybe I just convince myself that these so-called (*callable) feelings of "fate" and "destiny" are what they are because that's what I need them to be. But somehow I still feel like there's some validity to the seeming romanticism of it all. I DON'T KNOW. really, I know nothing. This entire world is like a cage when you limit yourself in any sort of way - be it physically or mentally. I don't really know where to go from here. Most of me has given up. But part of me senses that you sense it. Fuck, I could be so wrong. But the way your smile just brightened up that moment - just ampliphied it tenfold - hundredfold. And that's it right there. That smile of yours - perhaps somehow tangled into the notion that, perhaps, it is ME who can actually draw that smile out of you - THAT'S what makes me radiate. That's what strikes me, alarms me. Who are you(to me)? Who am I (to you)? Am I looking for someone, something? Not really. Certainly not at that level. But companionship? perhaps intensity (intensity's so so good...) -for those moments of hunger after a week of long hours and functionality - intersecting - with Purpose - for snippets of that ever so satisfying passion. hunger. . . so, yes, it is your smile. it is what somehow seems to grab a part of me deep inside and make it all glowy and shiny and shit. I don't get it, since much of me is angry at you for being a narrowminded dumbass. no, not even narrowminded, but so dismissive, so submissive to challenges of the heart. You gave up.